Instead of the predictable monotonous small talk that always ends in, ‘Yeah good, busy,’ lets break the ice! Imagine everyone around the family table, eagerly awaiting Nan’s corn beef (soaked in tomato sauce), steamed vegetables and potato, that could do with a bit more butter and salt, already so bored by the prospect of arduous and mundane small talk with the usual closed ended questions, ‘How’s work?, What's new?’ What I’m proposing are some open questions that stimulate a more interesting discussion, leaving the small talk (and the ice for the drinks) at the door.
These questions may spark disgruntled comments or eye rolls at first, but they’ll be worth it, from the laughs and potential shocked faces that will come. In a safe environment, family members don’t usually hold back and will surprise you with some of their stories.
A general question I always use at networking events is, “What keeps you busy or what has been keeping you busy?” It’s a direct, open question, they have to commit and come up with something. People enjoy talking about themselves and this question also invites the topic to be not only be about work, but family, hobbies, books they’ve read recently, to name a few…
Questions to spark a light at your next family function…
- What do you remember most about your childhood?
- Are there any family members you particularly remember during your childhood? What makes them stand out in your mind?
- What were your childhood hobbies?
- What do you miss most about being a child?
- What was the main meal you remember as a child? Corn beef, obviously.
- What was your favourite subject in school?
- What was a pivotal moment in your young life that has influenced your decisions today?
- What family tradition do you cherish the most?
- What is the funniest family story you remember?
- What was the most major invention or technological advancement that has impacted on your lifetime?
- What was your first job? How much money did you make?
- What is the best piece of advice you were ever given?
- What causes and charities are most important to you?
- Which celebrity, dead or alive, would you love to have coffee with?
- If you could take your dream vacation this year, where would you go and what would you do?
- What are you grateful for?
Alongside these questions, I have two important tips,
One - to help your guests respond with more real responses, you need to show them the kind of self that you’re asking them to be - vulnerable, honest and transparent. Think of a couple of examples prior to the event that you can share that will open the conversation to a relaxed and open feel.
Two, a person told me back, in the day, that the best way to listen is to take the ‘self’ out of it. Most of us are conversationalists and feel as though we have to respond or relate to the last thing a person has said. For this exercise, just listen to understand, not respond.
The questions above are just a teaser as to what can be found in the Memoir book - a great special gift to prompt your loved ones to start telling you their story.
Test out questions 1-16 and enjoy the process. Keep in touch with me on how you went and if this article was useful. Or alternatively, if you have any resources that could add to this discussion, please send them through to me!