Sometimes we have issues communicating with our loved ones, we all have different styles and preferences when it comes to telling our story.
A few months before our wedding, we were requested by the Pastor, who was going to marry us, to engage in 3 premarital sessions. Initially nervous and with many questions such as, ‘What if he said we weren’t a good match? Would he refuse to marry us? We can’t decline, that’s rude?’ we braved the sessions and to our surprise, came out much more prepared for marriage than we ever imagined. One of the learnings which I’d love to share with you is so simple but made a profound difference in understanding our relationship.
Pastor Rob, amongst many other words, explained that I (Naomi) am a “Painter” and Aaron is a “Pointer”
A “painter” is someone who continually blurts out everything they’re conceptualising, working their way to the final thought. Essentially “a painter takes a blank canvas and with many layers and many attempts finally reaches their masterpiece.”
Whereas the flip side is Aaron, a “pointer”, summarising all of his thoughts in his head before verbalising his final solution, eventually coming out with a perfectly articulated, refined sentence.
Pointers must never interrupt a painter, even if they have the solution solved in their head already, they must let the painter paint their way to the end, and similarly, a painter must understand that a pointer will deliver their final answer when ready, and to never interrupt their thoughts. Understandably, this is most infuriating for the “painter” as they have to learn to be patient and WAIT for their perfected, concise response and on the other side, the “pointer” is also infuriated, listening to the what seems to them as waffle until the “painter” is finally finished their masterpiece.
Understanding this concept changed our marriage, as it bought to our attention our differences in communication and taught us to respect each other’s ways of thinking. Common words spoken in our household are, “Just let me paint” or “I’m pointing, please wait.”
So how does this relate to how you’re approaching the Memoir book exercise? Perhaps you’re just going about it the wrong way. Consider who you’re gifting the book to, do they prefer to waffle away verbally and you scrawl down their notes? Or are they a ‘pointer’ who needs time to consider their responses into a concise, articulated sentence in their own time?