I recently watched Andrea Driessen’s TED Talk on, “The profound power of gratitude and living eulogies.” and I couldn’t agree more with her very true and eye opening comments, ‘why do we only wait to write beautiful things about loved ones after they’re gone? Why are eulogies only for dead people?’
Andrea talks about her father’s article (someone else had written about his life) in the local newspaper and his response was, “It’s better than having a eulogy read over a casket.” I couldn’t agree more. Pry those memorable accomplishments and important stories out of your loved ones and discuss them all now. Praise them over their achievements and speak of them in admiration. Give them the time to shine and share their stories with younger generations, whilst they’re alive!
Andrea goes onto say, “They want to know that they’re loved. Deep down they want to know that their lives have mattered.” So, “How do we honour all those around us who are very much alive?”
Whilst working with my Nan to create the Memoir book series, we discussed numerous stories and went through special items that were meaningful to her. We discussed stories of her in her early years, her dancing, her father’s local shop, the many prizes she won, her cakes, art and their success. Suddenly, this aging woman - who rarely shares her stories due to selflessness - came alive. A proud, young, creative and positive woman. During this process, I was able to meet this young, sprightly woman, one that I wasn’t born to know, we saw each other anew. A grandmother as a daredevil creative dancer where “all the small town boys wanted to attend my party”. It reminded me of how much there was left to know about a special person to whom I thought I knew well.
During this exercise, I felt great satisfaction because I know I shared my full heart with her whilst we had the time together. I continuously acknowledged her presence and at the same time, we bonded more than we ever had.
Andrea referred to these words we should share with our loved ones prior to their funeral as “GraceNotes,” which is a beautiful term. However, I wanted to make up my own phrase to describe this celebration of life and encouraging others to share their stories.
When we think of the word eulogy, we think of death, sadness, regret and possibly guilt. However the origin of the word eulogy was to express warm approval or admiration, pay tribute and compliment, to give high praise. In latin, praise is lauda, and living is vivus. I then asked myself, why can't we give 'high praise' to the living? Thus 'lauda vivus' was born.
So, instead of writing their eulogy, write your loved ones, ‘lauda vivus’ using Memoir books as a tool to begin (prompt questions to assist the process). Celebrate their life and accomplishments with them.
If you think there are other resources out there or books that align to this article, please send them through to me and we’ll start the discussion, together.